There are moments in life when breaking down simply isn’t an option. You’re overwhelmed, stretched thin, maybe even on the edge – but the world keeps moving, and you have to move with it. That’s when coping becomes less about comfort and more about survival. Real coping isn’t just about pushing emotions to the side. It’s about understanding them, organizing the chaos within and finding a way forward without losing yourself in the process. Today we’ll dive into how to cope with clarity and intention as a means of understanding how we feel in the moment so later, we can cry, process, and heal.
Step One: Distinguish Facts from Opinions
The first step is to interrupt the cognitive cycle at the thought level. You can do this by learning to differentiate fact from opinion. This isn’t a simple task, most of the time our brains, blinded by emotion, are leading our thoughts and actions with opinion, not reason. This skill is crucial to gaining insight into how our thoughts influence our feelings and behaviors.
The Cognitive Triangle is a helpful tool to show us how our thoughts, feelings, and emotions are all connected. Facts are objective, observable, and verifiable bits of information- such as “it rained today” or “the red team won the soccer game”. Therefore, their validity is not subject to opinion or debate. Opinions on the other hand are interpretations, assumptions, or beliefs that we as humans attach to facts like, “she is mad at me” or “This always happens to me”.
Exercise #1: Fact Vs Opinion
- SITUATION: Think of a recent event that caused you to have a strong emotional response. Let’s use the example scenario: “I received unexpected critical feedback from work”.
- THOUGHTS: Write down exactly how you were feeling and what you were thinking during this event.
- I am failing at my job and I am going to get fired. I feel sad, insecure, anxious, and angry.
- CATEGORIZE: Label each of these thoughts/emotions with facts or opinions.
- Example: It is a fact that I received unexpected feedback but it is an opinion that I am failing my job and that I will be fired.
- REFRAME: For the thoughts and emotions you categorized as opinions, consider different perspectives or evidence that challenge this belief.
- Example: Challenge the thought “my boss thinks that I am failing at my job” with “My boss is just giving me support and helping me do my job better in the future.”
Step Two: Identify Your Emotions
What many people don’t know is that there are multiple complex layers to emotions. While you might be thinking, “shoot, I feel really sad today”, you are actually probably feeling at least four more emotions, accompanying the sadness that are contributing to your mood. Emotions can be primary (immediate reactions like sadness) or secondary (responses to our thoughts about the primary emotions. Example: anxiety and anger because I am sad and I can’t be productive). Because emotions can be so complex and interlapping, you can use an emotion wheel to help you identify them (see the resource page).
Exercise: Emotion Identification
- List 4-6 emotions that you were feeling during this big emotional event.
- Categorize them. Determine which emotions are primary and which are secondary. Example: Because I received unexpected critical feedback from work, I feel sad. Because I feel sad, I also feel insecure, anxious, and angry.
- Intensity. Rate the intensity of each emotion on a scale of 1-10. Ten being the most intense and one being the least.
This exercise will help you sort out your thoughts when you are feeling big emotions. You will be able to address all of the underlying emotions you are feeling because you took a moment to identify them.
Step Three: Determine Opposite Emotions
For each emotion you identified, consider the opposite. The opposite of this negative emotion that you are feeling that is causing this dramatic emotional response. The easiest example is; if you are feeling sad, the opposite would be feeling happy. This identification practice can not only give you a goal emotion to strive for to escape this emotional episode, but it can also help shift your perspective.
Exercise: Opposite Emotions (Goal Emotions)
- List the opposites. For each emotion you listed in the emotion identification, list the emotion you perceive as being opposite. – Example: I was feeling sad, so the opposite would be happy. I was feeling insecure, the opposite would be confident.
- Reflect: Contemplate actions or situations that have previously made you feel these opposite goal emotions. – Example: In the past, having a self care day and getting my hair done has made me feel both happy and confident.
Step Four: Implement Coping Strategies
Now that you have identified those pesky emotions, named their opposites, and considered what actions you can do to elicit those opposing emotions, you are ready to implement coping strategies! Engaging in coping strategies can facilitate the transition from current emotions to their opposites. These strategies can alter the brain’s chemical makeup, promoting emotional balance.
💡 Helpful Tip: Create your own coping strategies list using coping strategies tailored to you and your emotions!
Comprehensive Coping Strategies List
Below is a curated list of coping strategies, each of which you can associate with specific emotions:
Coping Strategies
- Going to a Trivia Night
- Spending Time in Nature
- Painting My Nails
- Watching the Clouds Drift By
- Going Ice Skating, Roller Skating, or Roller Blading
Note: This is a partial list. A comprehensive list of over 100 coping strategies can be found under the ‘Resources’ tab.
Understanding the complexity of our emotional experiences empowers us to navigate them more effectively. By distinguishing facts from opinions, identifying our emotions, considering their opposites, and implementing coping strategies, we can foster emotional resilience and well-being.
Remember, emotional awareness and regulation are skills that can be developed over time. Utilize the tools and exercises provided, and don’t hesitate to seek support when needed.